So, it’s been a while… I’m not quite the blogger I expected to be. But, I guess that’s the beauty of a blog, it’s there when you want it and not pressing to squander all of your time when not! So, I’ll just fess up to being the sluggish blogger, I can own up to that.
At nearly 30 (eek!) I am finding this to be such a sweet time in my life. Throughout the mundane daily nose wiping, dish washing, clothes folding, snuggle-timing, bandaid giving, tickle timing, home schooling, finger shaking, book reading, disciplining, toilet cleaning, craft making, floor sweeping, prioritizing, failing, cooking, instructing, giggle timing, park playing, neighboring, grocery shopping, yelling, confessing, apologizing, repenting, reconciling, and sometimes succeeding… the Lord has brought me to a place where I am learning truly, to appreciate life day by day.
I can truly say, and only by His grace, that I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. And although it took many years for me to get here and through much mercy given while I’ve been kicking, I’m finally starting to catch on that my circumstances around me don’t make me…
My husband has reminded me through the years that “pressure busts pipes”, simply put: what’s inside of a person will be exposed through the pressures of life. It’s quite biblical actually, in Matthew 15:18 Jesus said “ But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart…” Truly the circumstances of life never cease and prove to expose the depths of the crevices of our hearts. James 4:1 touches on this truth as well “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you..” Our hearts (or our nature) is the problem… not everyone around us… not things that happen to us. Gen 6:5 is telling of our nature: “The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” Of course Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”… the list goes on… and if we are honest with ourselves we can attest that we would NEVER want to project the last 24 hours worth of our thoughts on a screen visible to our neighbors, family and friends.
The truth of the matter is that, the things around us… the people around us… the circumstances that surround us, aren’t the problem… WE ARE!….. I AM! I AM MY BIGGEST problem.
“Wow, poor thing!” you might be thinking. But, don’t be confused. This is not a confession of depression. This, friends, is an exceptional time in my life. Herein is the freedom of salvation! The freedom to realize all that has been done for me! And what has been done FOR me was never possible for me to do on my own!
We cannot attain happiness. The pursuit of it is vain at best. The more I strive to “be” happy, the less happy I become! My attempts to make my life better have NEVER lasted past a moment.
Christ has bought our freedom with His life. His life, lived to fulfill all that we (I) cannot. His heart, pure. His motives, always love in truth. His deeds, expressing the very identity of His Father. His death, full wrath embracing, enough wrath to bring justice for every sin committed against a holy God. His rising, victory pronouncing! Glorious Lord!!!
In the simplest and deepest truths of the gospel lies the freedom to live in this earth. I cannot do it. But Jesus did! I am not looking more forward to anything else more than I look forward to meeting Him face to face. All else is pig slop compared to gazing on the one whom laid down the glory that was rightly His to live and die for sinners like you and me…
Jesus Christ, fully man, fully God, having all the glory He ever needed, all the happiness He ever needed, all perfectness ever fathomable, laid down His glory, clothed himself in a dying body of flesh, susceptible to sickness, discomfort, relational difficulty (particularly with those not at all like him-sinners!), was mocked, scorned, plotted against, betrayed, tortured, and murdered.
And I have the nerve to come to this earth with a heart demanding comfort, pleasure, success, happiness and fulfillment. If you have thought this, like I have, you have missed it.
Jesus is it. He is why you exist… why I exist. His love is the greatest experience you can ever have and it’s freely offered to you and unchanging . Embrace Him… See how worthless your pursuits are to find a happiness outside of Him that does not exist longer than a fleeting moment. It’s inevitable that you will meet Him, learn of Him and meet Him as a loving Lord. I pray all who have generously taken the time to read this will take careful consideration for who you are in light of who He is.
The pursuit of knowing Christ is to be joyful. Knowing Him embodies the greatest fulfillment we can ever know. May I live in light of this, moment by moment and when I don’t, may those moments bring me back to these truths.
